@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
