Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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