i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
