You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
