I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
