So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
