just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
