remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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