Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
