i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize