i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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