his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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