She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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