Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what day is it and did you see me today?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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