We need to rekindle our bromance
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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