i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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