where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
