she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
