I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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