So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
