Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
