you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
