you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
