I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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