Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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