i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
