The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
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she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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