I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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