you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
