I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
