"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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