I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
