He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
