Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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