that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
false alarm. still invincible.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
