I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They took my balls.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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