why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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