yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
