I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
