"it" just moved
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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