Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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