he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
