Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
