I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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