gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
