He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she looked like the before picture.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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