Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
