i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
