i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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