Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
