dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
