There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize