jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
