Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
