Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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