I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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