Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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