I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
