i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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