My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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