I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am spending my child support on dildos
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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