If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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