I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
