sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sext me about skeletons
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
