So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
