I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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