True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
