We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
