I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
