fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize