my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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