i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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