Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
