GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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