This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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