Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
