the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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