At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
