I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize