Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
