You smell like stripper and shame
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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