FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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