whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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