I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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