when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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