Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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